He Wants You

He wants you all to himself 

He can’t even stand the knowledge of knowing that we’re having a conversation

You’re the man I love but he wishes you would find someone else

Can’t you see that?

When we started this five-year journey I didn’t sign up for that

I’m not going to hurt you

Haven’t I proven that over and over again

I will go to the ends of the earth for you and I would love that to be reciprocated

He’s jealous he is unbearable

I’ve told you that many times

Yet, it seems like you don’t even see it

If you want me to I’ll leave

just let me know if that’s what you want

I’ve given you all I can

yet it doesn’t seem to be enough

Seems like you always leave me in the dust

waiting for the day when I am your number onne

just like you are mine no matter what anyone says

He’s reaching Out

She spent a long time searching for something

Something she knew she needed  but didn’t quite know how to grasp yet

Something some can only dream of

If she could wish for anything for everyone it would be that everyone could find the love she now speaks of

When she first was getting to know his word

She felt a love she never thought was possible

From that point on she realized he’s reaching out for her because he loves her more than she knows how to love herself

He’s reaching out and slowly gaining her trust which is one thing she thought she’d never be able to get someone again

All she wants if you dedicate her life to him knowing internshe’ll be able to live the best possible life

Your Birthday

As I look up to heaven
Tears streaming down my face
I remember it’s your birthday
This is one of those days every year
that makes me sad
Mom I love you
I wish with all my heart I could come visit
I believe one day soon we will be together once again

Blue-moon Escape

She grew up listening to Blue-moon of Kentucky
Dreaming of what a blue moon escape might be like
She dreamed of a moon full of light casting blue shadows where it might
How relaxing With a blue-noon escape truly be

I pray For Rest

Dear Jehovah, 
As I lay here in the dark about to drift off to sleep
I pray for us for both of us
I can tell rest has not found her at peace these last few nights
To be honest it really haven’t found the  peace to rest much either
Please wrap us in your peaceful loving arms
I pay for rest full of peace and comfort
May our last thoughts are of you and all you’ve done to show your love for us 
Thank you so much for hearing this Prayer written in poetic form

My Dad Found My Heart

Memories of my dad found my heart today
He and I did not have the best relationship but
for me all is forgiven 
I can’t wait to one day give him a hug and tell him I’m sorry
I am so thankful he got another chance with her

I can’t say my dad was my hero but at least my baby sister can
I secretly hoped he would one day be someone’s hero
She introduced me to the first man I ever loved once again
I miss my dad who found my heart once again today
When I look at her I will always see my dad who my heart reflects back at me when I look into her beautiful eyes 

Thank you so much to my heavenly father for allowing her to be part of my life
Without her my dad might not of found my heart in the way he has if she and I never got the opportunity to meet
As for you dad I always have and always will love you no matter what
McKenzie I am so proud to call you my sister you’ll never know how much you mean to me

I Know Who You Are

I know who you are

I knew what you needed even before you did this morning 

Why do you think that message was sent when it was?

You needed a reminder to stay calm in the face of being scared

I was there and I know you felt me with you

In the silent prayer of your heart 

I heard you ask for strength you feel you’ve lost

I know you know I sent you strength by way of the Holly Spirit

Remember I didn’t bring you through the experiences you’ve had for you not to have learned the lessons you’ve learned 

I know who you are

I also know you been longing for a freedom you are so close to 

Believe me you’ll get there

Do You Ever Wonder?

Imagine you are a woman Who needs help taking care of the most basic of needs 
Imagine you have to worry day in and day out if the people you trust to take care of you will show up to do the job you hired them to do
To all those people I have hired 
I have one question

Do you ever wonder what’s going on when you’re not around? 
There’s so m any times I wear a smile when you see me 
Yet that doesn’t mean everything is peaches and cream
Through I wish with everything I am it were
Do you ever send prayers to heaven on my behalf? 

Would it surprise you to know I’ve done it for each one of you on many occasions?
All I ask is that you treat me like the human I am and not the paycheck I provide you 

Today’s Tears

I’ve cried and cried more than I care to admit
Today’s tears held back for far too long
Tears I forbade you to see
Why should I let you in when all you do is tear me down?
 
Why I let myself open up to you knowing that what I say will be used against me?
Not even in a court of law but
In a place you’ve chosen to  decide who’s right and who’s wrong
I have changed and I’m still changing
It’s a lifelong process
I didn’t make the choice I made to spite you I did it to protect myself and the one I love
Today’s tears won’t soon be forgotten
They will be tattooed on my heart arranged in what is now a lesson learned 

Your Secrets

When I let myself become a vessel for carrying your secrets
it was as if they became like deadly poison to me
You swore you were my friend
I was only thirteen
to young to know your game
I learn to fight through all your meaningless words though I didn’t understand what was happening 
I had to tell your secrets it wasn’t just about me
It was about all the others he didn’t have a voice
They needed to have a chance
to live life and be free
No one should ever be scared the way I was the afternoon I made the decision to say something
I’m sorry but then again i’m not 

Bathed In Gold

As I pray to you in thanks
for answering prayers regarding questions I’ve needed answers to for some time 
I realize I’m bathed in gold 
What if the gold I find myself bathed in is a sunset signaling the end of something?

On the other hand what is the gold surrounding me is a sunrise?

it is a sunset I know the person I’ll have to end things with will be hurt

I pray that your spirit will give him comfort when he’ll need it
If this gold is a sunrise I know I will find true happiness because you chose me to walk this narrow road

I need you to know I am in forever will be grateful for this opportunity you are affording me

Lavender Angel

 She's beautiful
She's clothed in lavender flowing Satin
Where is she from?
No one knows
Lavender angel, would you do her the honor of being her guardian?
You will always be the guardian she strives to be one day

The Real Me

I don’t see the woman everyone else sees when I look in the mirror
I see a woman Who is trying to right the wrongs of her past
It doesn’t happen overnight I wish oh how I wish all my wrongs could be made right in the span of one night
Some tell me I am in inspiration
The moment I hear those words the real me the woman inside
Cries silently what do you see that I can’t?
I carry guilt but I feel I have apologize over and over again for
It’s still here though
I can feel it lift slightly at times but at times it seems to come back twofold
I try so hard to believe 
it will someday get better 
The real me can’t let go

A Reflection Of Your Light

I see  her as a reflection of your light 
There’s not a day that goes by I don’t think of you and by extension think of her
Thank you so much for making her such an inspiring part of my life
When I first started this journey I had no idea where it might take me but I want nothing more than to one day inspire others just as she’s done for me by teaching the truth 
Your word tells me this journey will not be an easy one

As I have seen since you began and continue to draw me closer to you but I know because of her you’ve made my journey a little bit easier
Even though we are only able to spend a small amount of time togetherness

Those small moments make all the difference
My spiritual sister, teacher and friend 
I just want you to know what an honor it is to have you in my life
I Love you more than words can say
haven’t said it lately, thank you so much for being a reflection of his light

Camp Fire

Sitting in front of a camp fire on a late summer night 

brings back childhood memories 

The sweet smell of roasted marshmallows find me as a six year old jumping for joy

Sparks fly exploding in embers of red, orange and yellow

Then my favorite camp fire songs play on a loop in my head 

I want to dance until I can’t dance anymore  

Crossroads

Here I stand at a crossroads between two opposing views

Two paths to follow,

one choice to make

If I follow the path of least resistance knowing I will have made a choice for this world which doesn’t include you

I don’t want to choose this world

It’s too full of heartbreak pain and suffering

Pain and suffering of our own making

Choosing the road you are standing at the end of means

I have to give up on someone who at one time meant a lot to me

At this point I’m willing to do what it takes to prove that I love you no matter what it takes and what it means for the relationships i’ve cultivating with people of this world

I beg you Jehovah please help me in the world these trials

At the end of which I promise I’ll do what it takes to be standing on your side

Hush

We shouldn’t be doing this

this thing we know is wrong

 To you it was just sex where as you became my whole world

I held on to every little word you said as if it were life’s breath

Hush you said if our secret gets you could potentially lose it all

Your career, your wife, your home and your children

I loved you enough to keep it buried for as long as my conscience would let me

Hush you said as you slowly and methodically raped me of the belief that anyone would believe the story I’d tell if I ever broke my silence 

You raped me of my ability to believe in myself leaving physical scars in your path

Sill by this time deep pain had already formed none of which will be healed completely in this lifetime though I know Will be healed in the next

Hush angel faced devil I didn’t betray you

It was you whom betrayed me

Yet today I sit here hoping you take the opportunity to be a better friend, man and husband to those who love you 

I waver between wanting forgive you while still hating the actions you took against me time and again 

Love Letters

Sweet Sentiments of love make lovers hearts skip a beat or two
Written on flowery pages of which everyone creams to get at one time or another
The professions of love found in love letters can leave a legacy of beauty mixed with a little bit of sacrifice passed down from generation to generation
Love letters are a sign that true love still exist in this world today

Puppy Love

Oh mommy look, gottta have it, Gotta have it I do
Oh please don’t you want the best for me?
All I want is to cuddle with you
I’ll keep you warm on a cold night
I promise I’ll always be there for you
Giving you all the puppy love you could imagine
How can you deny was cute face?

Need For Speed

If I were able to drive
I'd go tearing down a dirt road leaving trails of sand frying and swirling behind
My need for speed would give me a sense of freedom I've never had before
How I'd love the awesome of this beauty
I'd love to drive!