Beautifully Broken

I've done this entirely too much lately

watching people I love being pushed and pulled on
the thin line between life and death
You may not see my tears or any outward signs of grief but
trust me they are there

Sleepless nights spent wondering
why this keeps happening
Knowing in my head it's not my fault but
my heart tells me I should be there
Prayers sent up from beneath  moonlight
Endless tears in the dead of night
strangled sobs  no one can hear
Why?
Because it's not about me
I have to be strong for everyone else
crying isn't an option 
That was a lesson  I learned
a few years ago

I am becoming a pro at being
beautifully broken
Yet that doesn't stop my heart from shattering
each time I get the news a loved one is
about to be called home
I will be strong but I'll remain beautifully broken till
I see my loved ones again one day