Wondering

She got news no daughter wants to hear
her mom is ill with cancer and now she prays every day that
God will intervene making it go away
A cancer that let's be honest could
leave she and her loved ones without their rock
A thought she can't help, but
think about alone in her room at night
While she tries not to cry aloud
Yet her mom's illness and the outcome of it
aren't the only matters causing her heart pain
in this very moment

The man who loves her with all his heart
The one who said he'd be there for her
through thick and thin
after she shared the news
The one whose hands she put her heart in
from seventeen until forever came
hasn't been there in the ways she needs him to be

Where is he?
Does he even care?
Is it too much for her to ask for him to be there
Like she has for him in the not so distant past?
with an open mind and the heart she fell in love with

Now she's wondering
If she should let him go and go
back to square one to find a man that can and
wants to give her more
She has so much love to give and
feels he may not be the one anymore

Like she's told him before
There's more to love than talking about
sex twenty four seven
She knows the decision is hers and
hers alone to make
She doesn't want to leave a broken heart in her wake, but
a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

The Realist

 

She asked a question
because she and her mom had been talking about her ending treatment and
going back to work, if her mom’s care team
gave her the “all clear” to do so
The question she asked was one
her mother didn’t want to answer and
when she thought about how it might sound
It was too late to turn the asked back into the unasked
She knows some must be thinking
Okay, what was the question?

Well, she asked her mom if she thought about what
stopping her current treatment for her illness might mean
Her mother’s response was,
“Yes, among other things I’m trying not to think about
stop being so negative!”
Upon hearing the word negative she
resisted the urge to scream
“I’m not trying to be negative
I’m just trying to be the realist in this conversation!

If anyone knows how horrible reality
can seem at moments, she does
Sometimes she wishes she could
float down that river in Egypt
The river some call the Denial
Hell, even she must admit that
would be the easiest course of action to take
Although, her mom’s life means more to
her than hiding from the truth

Like The Rain

Like the rain pouring from dark ominous clouds outside her window
from a storm named Debbie
Her spirit has a dark gray and gloomy air about it
At least in this moment as the darkness hangs over both inside and out
It feels as ifshe may never see the beauty of sunlight again
She’s trying to be strong, but
in times such as this it’s hard not to dissolve into tears

She’s usually a very positive woman, but
even positive women have dark nights of their souls
from time to time
Now it’s her turn to lean on others but
she can’t find some of her so called friends anywhere
The ones she’s has bent over backwards for
when they needed someone to hold them up
Where did they go?
It’s not like she’s surprised
No need to worry though,
like an old friend who never lets her down
The poetry she loves will be there
just as it always has been and always will be

What Am I to Learn?

In this life you gave me there have been
lessons I wish I never had to learn
Yet on the other side of darkness at least so far as I’ve seen
there has been a beautiful light of strength waiting to wrap itself around me
What am I to learn from the possibility of
this type of heartbreak though?
What am I to learn through the silent tears I cry
for her in the stillness of the night?

You’ve got all the answers I need
please answer the prayers of a daughter’s heart
You know I’d come back to you in a moment no questions asked and
give her back the life she gave me
If it meant her candle would never burn out
I know in time you’ll show me
what you want to teach me

Sometimes the anger I feel over the pain I may face
makes me want to run away from you
I just wish my family could be spared
You’ve taught me that wishes turned to prayers can come true
so I’ll keep praying because it’s all I can do

Game of Love

When she first met him he couldn’t stop bragging about

a woman he met on the internet
A woman he’d known only a short while, but
one he already called his soul mate
As time would tell this soul mate had plans of her own that
did not include playing
his romantic version of the game of love
The saddest part of all this is she saw his heartbreak coming
before all the talk of marrying his soul mate and living happily ever after began  If she were to tell friends she was happy to hear him talk marriage
she’d be lying and her mama taught her lying was wrong 

Hell even she had and still has a crush on this sexy man but
she knew then as well as now she couldn’t have him
That’s alright she’ll cherish the friendship they have and
what a friend he’s been since they’ve met
When he moved he took part of her heart along with him
a part that will always be his  
It has been said if you love someone let them go
if they find their way back to you it’s meant to be

He is, and she hopes he always will be a hopeless romantic so giving of his heart and soul

To all the women that have done him wrong
you best be glad she doesn’t  know you
You’re all probably wishing for one more chance but,  
she hates to be the bearer of bad news
your game of love is over

What She Taught Me

Over the past few weeks I’ve been asked a question
that makes me smile both inside and out
every time someone asks it
Who is the mother and who is the daughter?
I smile as I think it’s my turn to be there for her
the way she’s been there for me through the years
Even though I wish the situation she now faces was different
I believe as she does, she will receive her miracle soon

She has given me a mothering spirit and
taught me how to be strong when all I want is to let my tears fall
for the mother and best friend she is and always will be
If it seems like our roles have been reversed maybe they have but
I’m going to keep loving her with the same mothering spirit
even though she tells me I annoy her at times
I guess the mothering spirit comes with a side of over protectiveness but
I’m not changing anytime soon because that’s what she taught me

What Do I Really Mean To You?

I hear the faint sound of a small flute playing
In an instant I realize that sound is my text alert and
you have sent me a text message
Oh this can’t be good, I say as I read the text you sent
my hands moist from sweat that has now gathered in my palms because
I have a feeling I know what’s coming next
The message the same as it has been since I’ve known you
Hey Sweetie, I’m so sorry I, I have somewhere else to be or
something else to do, do you mind if I come in late?

I text back, no I’ll see you when you get here
take your time  and be careful

I’ve given up the hope of ever hearing the one
question you asked the first time you were ever late
Can I make the time I missed up to you?

My text alert goes off again twenty to thirty minutes laterThis time your text reads I’m so sorry I don’t know if
I’ll be in at all again I’m so sorry!
What you don’t know is by this point I’m so pissed
I can’t see strait
Your I’m sorrys are beginning to fall on death ears

How would you feel if you had a daughter like me;
who needed help and she couldn’t get it because    
someone wasn’t there when she needed them?
I know for a fact, you’d raze hell
until she got what she needed
If you’d do that for her, why can’t you be here for me?

I then think to myself, how the hell do you
ever expect to get paid if you are never here?
Oh don’t get me started on your paycheck
I realize you are entitled to one if you work the hours
As I’ve told you I’m sorry that your last two were late but,
I have no control over that and I’ll tell you now
I did not need to receive your texts saying
you had nothing to show for all the time you worked
What about my gratitude?
I have done everything I can to show you
how much I care
Does that mean nothing to you?

You say we’re friends, do friends discuss paychecks every week!
To be honest I’d really like the answer to one question
What Do I Really Mean To You?
I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to hear
unless it is the God’s honest truth